Customer UnService: Netflix Account Edition.

Australian man finds data integrity problem with his streaming service account. Netflix sends Terrence St John Fuckwitt to investigate. Idiocy ensues.

Customer UnService: Netflix Account Edition.

Hello to Netflix social media/marketing/pointy hairs if you're reading. Please unfuck yourselves and your customer support bots, you muppets. Thanks in advance.

I recently found a very concerning issue with my account while watching The Witcher (which is good btw) and wondering why the picture quality was on par with an old bootleg of the "Wiedzemin" series some Polish TV tried some years back (cheesy but good given the obvious constraints)

Turns out it was streaming at 540p, even though my 50mbit connection can handle 4k without raising a sweat. What. The. Fuck.

Stopped watching and had a look at my account. "Basic" (1 screen, standard def) plan?

What. The. Actual. Fuck. I didn't ask for Basic, even if I was blind drunk, that would be madness. Something has gone to shit here, and it's not me.

Checked emails for recent plan change notifications. Nope, nothing.

Changed my plan back to Premium - notification of change came through without issue. OK.

Log into Netflix website - last account was charged Basic, but no plan change - or history - available. Looked through more email.

Sure enough, email on the 13th of November advising of price changes, and referencing a BASIC plan?. Oh yeah, this is a problem, a big problem.

Someone or something there has indeed shat itself and reset my plan. To support we go.

This is where it all went to hell in a hand-basket. Quite frankly "Customer Support" at Netflix don't provide support and blame the customer.

I've attached the transcript for comedy value and as a cautionary tale: Some highlights (along with my typos - 31/11 should be 13/11, derp)...

  • "Kris" immediately goes to the "you must have changed it" option (clearly part of his script/programming)
  • Generally sticks to it until he decides to go full Schrodinger: "You will receive an email, check your spam folder"..."I understand that you didn't receive an email during that changes." (Which is it Kris?)
    "If you think that this is something that we need to look after then we'll take this as a feedback" (Wait so it's no longer my issue like you said at the get-go?) "I'm sorry but we do not have a way to escalate this" (I referred to it as a security issue, seems they don't train scripts to handle that)
    "i'm just providing you what just happened. Our system will not change anything on the member's account unless a user who has an access to it changed it" (So it's back to being my issue, because you don't understand the problem, and thus can't address the issue?) "If you don't have any other questions for today, you may click the "End Chat" button to end our conversation" (Translated: "Piss off nerd with your account integrity issues, you're ruining my KPIs")

So what's the take-away from all this? Clearly I never got my issue resolved and "Kris" is probably pissed because he's got less time to binge Pornhub at work (if he's not really an AWS ChatBot+Chime integration, then it's some obscure binary porn I'd rather not know about)

  • Train your customer service staff to listen and think, and not read a script and assume the customer is at fault.
  • If you don't understand security, get trained until you do, or fuck off and clean toilets, leave the rest of us who care to do our jobs.
  • Take the above seriously.
  • Don't try and replace with automation that which requires a human mind to deduce. Honestly this "Kris" got a D on a fairly relaxed Turing test.

As I said to Krisbot, I have spoken. I'll probably have to raise this with Netflix security (or their PR, a potential breach / integrity issue looks bad for branding)

At least I can watch The Witcher in 4k, at least until their processes / some muppet sharts and it gets reverted again...

Merry Christmas, mind the coal / turds in your stocking, Netflix "Support"!

Oh and before I forget:

ThatFlemingCloud - because Zuck has no power here