A word on that virus everyone's talking about

Michael Fleming -

Yeah I'm talking about COVID-19, along with most everyone else.

It's serious and you should treat it as such. While people might see the mortality rate (around 3%) as low that's still a metric shitload of people (ask the Chinese and Italians) and it spreads like wildfire, which is why as of today most open spaces and places we commonly congregate in - pubs, clubs, open areas like beaches etc. are closed.

There's plenty of things you should be doing:

I Have Spoken
  • Obviously, basic hygiene - wash your hands, keep surfaces clean, try not to touch your face (though that can be hard if you wear glasses like I do, and you need to push them back up your nose). Y'know, basic civilized stuff, but be more vigilant.
As an introvert and a gamer this is fairly easy and I can give lessons on it. Remotely.
  • You're probably being urged to practice "social distancing" - it's a pain in the arse if you're a social gadfly but trust me (and medical professionals) it's for your own and you neighbours' (and their neighbours') wellbeing. If we can "flatten the curve" by limiting contact it'll be a lot easier on our often strained medical systems, and will hopefully limit the spread.
  • Likewise if you can work from home and your workplace can and has accommodated it (easier in IT offices or those that have appropriate infrastructure) do so, for the same reasons.
  • Follow the advice of medical professionals, it's what they've spent their lives studying and practising.
Prohibition Brisbane, which is closed due to COVID-19. Credit @marz_skittles on Instagram
  • Be strong, as this too will pass.
  • People in hospitality, performing arts, travel and other allied jobs involving social gatherings are hit hard, give them your support now and when this returns to some semblance of normal.

But for the love of Bob, please don't

  • Ignore expertise in favour of some snake-oil, unsourced bullshit from Karen on Facebook (who got it from a similarly dimwitted Karen, as chain letters/email falsehoods have spread since time immemorial)
  • No it's not a fucking bioweapon deliberately meant to forward some reverse-vampire-lizard-people agenda. Again, fucking knock it off Karen on Facebook.
  • Nor is a tanking stock market the biggest of issues. Yeah my super is taking a hit but I'm taking it on the chin. I don't give a rats arse if you can't afford your coke and hookers this week Richie Rich, you'll live. Others may not have the luxury.
  • Nor is it a Chinese conspiracy to make the likes of President Tangerine Fatberg look bad leading up to elections. Racist Trumpers / right-wing nutters who buy into this bullshit can also fuck off. If I have to lock you in a closet with Karen, I'll fucking do it you identity-politics/culture-wars obsessed fuckmuppets.
God spoke to me too. He said you're one of the dumbest cunts he put on his earth.
  • Dear religious freaks. Your invisible sky fairy will not protect you from a virus, thoughts and prayers are as effective at stopping this as they are stopping bullets, natural disasters and Nickleback. Wash your hands and stay away from others you holy-bong-water-chugging gronks.
  • and to finish the "don't be a dickhead" list, I'll leave you with this shittiest of shit takes from my favourite gormless arseclown and yours, Mr Gerry "Fuck you, got mine" Harvey.
Australia's third worst arseclown after Scotty From Marketing and Andrew Bolt.

Fuck you Gerry, with a large rusty and rough edged dildo (which I got cheap off Kogan)

Look after yourselves (but fuck Gerry and the Karens of the world)

Michael.